Emotionally Compromised
by Jenna Cassie Herdz
Summary: After Spock sees his mother die and his home planet destroyed, what emotions run through him, hidden just beneath the Vulcan surface immediately after? Is he truly in control of his emotions?


**A/N:** so, watching the movie over and over again, got me thinking: where the hell did Spock go after leaving Uhura in the turbo lift? what did he do? what was he thinking? here's what i think happened. kinda short, but what the hell, right? kind of inspired by Star Trek: TOS Episode 7, The Naked Time.

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"I need everyone…to continue performing admirably," he told her in an abnormally shaken voice.

She sighed, inwardly but nodded and breathed, "Ok," before kissing him one last time just before the lift doors opened and he walked out down the hall, toward his quarters. He didn't look at anyone he passed in the halls of the ship. He knew that anyone looking into his eyes would see the hardly held back emotions that lay dormant inside him, and he couldn't have that.

_I am in control of my emotions_, he thought.

Finally coming to his room he stopped just inside the door, hearing it shut behind him. He swallowed as he looked around his room, the image of his mother falling from the cliff playing over and over again in his mind. He heard his own voice calling out to her, saw his own hand reaching for her. He recalled the confusion and shock of what had happened and the utter emptiness he'd felt when he saw the empty space where his mother should have been standing.

_I am in control of my emotions._

He stepped toward his desk, stumbling at first, but quickly regaining his footing as he headed toward his desk at the far end of the room. It felt like ages getting there, but he knew that was impossible. It was illogical to think that seconds could seem like hours, and yet as he sat at his desk, that was what it had felt like. What it _felt_ like.

_I am in control of my emotions._

It echoed in his mind, but he was beginning to lose his grip. He swallowed again and moved a shaking hand to the top drawer of his desk. Opening it, he pulled out a holo-pic pad that lay in the perfectly organized drawer and set it in his lap. He pressed the red button on the frame and a small hologram of his mother with various expressions adorning her beautiful face appeared, playing over and over again. The lump in his throat suddenly started swelling.

_I am in control of my emotions._

The image of his home planet being sucked into the black hole suddenly appeared in his mind's eye. His hands gripped the holo-pic pad a little harder.

"I am in control of my emotions," he murmured this time, and turned the pad off to set it on his desk. Nero's face suddenly appeared in his mind, his voice ringing in his ears.

"_Spock, there is something I'd like you to see."_

He'd seen it. Now to what purpose had he seen it? He didn't want to think about that yet. He didn't want to think about anything. At the moment, he just wanted to curl into a ball and die, but he knew that wouldn't happen right away as he wanted it to.

"I am in _control_ of my emotions," he said again, his hands clenching into fists.

Nero's image in his mind made him…angry.

"I am in _control_ of my emotions," he ground out though his teeth, his fists still clenched.

The image of his mother falling from his gaze appeared again, her scream in his ears.

"_Mother!"_

"I am in _control_ of my emotions!" he growled, slamming his fists onto his desk.

Something warm and wet trickled down his cheeks as he shut his eyes tightly.

"I am in control---" He cut himself off involuntarily with a choked sob and tried again, "I am in control…"

He set his head down on the desk, his arms wrapped around his head as his shoulders began shuddering. More hot tears streamed down his face and onto his desk as he sobbed, silently. His Vulcan half was telling him to stop, but his human half was telling him to let it out. Listening to that half, he knew he was emotionally compromised.

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**A/N:** never thought i'd do an angst fic. O.o reviews?


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